To My Newest and Most Sexually Active Housemate,
So, you have an active sex-life. In fact an over-active sex life is probably a more accurate description. Know how I know?
BECAUSE I CAN HEAR EVERY LITTLE DETAIL OF YOUR SEX SESSIONS EVERY TIME YOU HAVE SEX WITH THAT HORRIBLE BOYFRIEND OF YOURS WHO HAS THE BIG HEAD (PHYSICALLY AND EGOTISTICALLY). I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING RIGHT DOWN TO THE FLESH ON FLESH SLAPPING SOUNDS AND GRUNTING. EVERYTHING.
Good for you. But for me, it's foul. Torturous. Makes me want to vomit. No one should have to hear that, let alone be kept awake or woken up by it on a frequent basis.
Please do something about it or I will record it and play it back to you and all your feral friends at full volume next time they come over (which I hope they don't because they also piss me off).
Ta,
Your Sleepless Housemate
P.S. And no, I'm not jealous that you are actually having sex and I'm not. I would rather not have sex than have sex with someone with as big and ugly a head as your bf.
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